<Angelo's proxy>
ive done worse things, i dont know why but i lashed out at lily too so much
and those worse things include what i had done to people in real life
sometimes i have an extreme feeling someone is angry at me or they hate me
im sorry, i should have realized that feeling of fear wasnt normal when it happened
i dont really remember what i felt the days after i said those awful things
but i remember a week or so after that, i was going crazy, thinking everyone hated me, my head was aching so much, i think my mind stopped working at one point
and that was a few days ago
i dont like what i did, i dont like the fear i get so much with you
right now, im not stressed or anything but im still scared deep down the worst case scenario will happen
<Angelo's Proxy>
โ
09/09/2022
it's just that i may have had paranoia, i overthink way too much even about the simplest things, sometimes i get from slightly shy to an extreme anxiety that people hate me when i talk to them, and because i've just thought of it as me being shy or simply overthink a lot, i wasnt able to treat it and it slowly got worse over time, strangling my mind with eventually the worst thoughts i could have about certain situations, and slowly numbing it more and more, the past few months i recall getting more and more demotivated to watch my favorite shows, draw, play games, i felt i was not able to enjoy my hobbies anymore
<Angelo's Proxy>
โ
Hier à 05:34
youโre a good person, and itโs understandable if you do not want to be friends with me anymore or if you do not forgive me, either way im trying my best to understand how to cope with the anxiety i always get so i wont hurt someone again
Yo, Angelo!
โ
Hier à 11:08
(spoiler tagged to prevent the overwhelming from big block of text)
Stellaris
โ
Hier à 13:09
angelo, the only advice i can give is for you to get professional help of any kind
you're dealing with a lot, and i think only therapy (or a lot of time) may help
<Angelo's Proxy>
โ
Hier à 13:09
im just alone here
no one will ever take me seriously
i dont want to force anything on them, im scared they'll lash out at me if i do
Stellaris
โ
Hier à 13:10
they have all the right to lash out at you
angelo, you've told people to kill themselves
doesn't matter if you meant it or not
<Angelo's Proxy>
โ
Hier à 13:11
..you know
it's actually only you
ive hurt other people in real life but ive never told them to die
i really wanted you to hate me, to not talk to me anymore
in my mind, i wanted you to hate me and despise me even more
Stellaris
โ
Hier à 13:14
i know you told lily and lily's gf you wished they would die
<Angelo's Proxy>
โ
Hier à 13:14
yeah..
Stellaris
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Hier à 13:14
i know this but it doesn't matter
you've wished others death
i ddidn't matter for me
but you did this to others
to people who are very very dear to me
<Angelo's Proxy>
โ
Hier à 13:17
the only thing i recall why i wanted to say that is so lily would hate me
Stellaris
โ
Hier à 13:17
it does not matter anymore angelo
you've told someone so precious to die
i am 100% i will never forgive you (edited)